This is how I died
by Badwolf999
Summary: John Smith, a former Doctor faces death on the happiest day of his life.
1. Warning

**Please be cautious, what you're about to read is very tragic and there is major character death in here. Suicide, depression and heart break follows along in this story as well.**

**I am also asking everyone who comes to read to please, please, please review. I'm quite a new writer and I want to know how well I'm doing.**

**Thank you so much for understanding,**

**Badwolf999**


	2. The Suicide

**1920**

Badwolf999

**[****This is how I died****]**

John Smith, a retired Doctor in the 1920s faces death on the happiest day of his life.

_**Three months after the accident, 1923**_

Inside an abandoned fence there is a mental hospital. Farm's Luke, a Hospital for the Mentally Ill is written on a sign out front. The sign stands tall and proud in the front yard, but it is also aged and molded over. The hospital is three stories tall; each window is barred over, even the lower levels which use to contain the hospital's president, nurses, and janitorial employees. Since it was abandoned no one has ever come inside, no one except myself. Inside the first level the long over head lights are encased in wire, the last three at the end of the hall give off a yellow glow. At the end of the hall to the left is the president's office; remnants of an office still remain there, including the blackened East wall which was burned in a fire. It is dark in the office, but to the right, the nurse's station it is dimly light. The windows are yellow with age and cigarette smoke and thus it is difficult to look inside. Inside there is a desk, a filing cabinet, and a woman. A chair sits across from her as she sits at the desk writing frantically. He black fountain pen scribbles with a great fire as she tries to finish her letter without crying. She is wearing a fedora hat, a beige duster and a black scarf. Her long slender rose fingernails click quietly together as she writes. A dead rose leans over her and her silver name tag stand in front of me; Miss. Marion T. It is a beautiful name, a name one would want to use on their own child. She shakes her head lightly and the loose, frizzy, blonde curls fall into place, one by one. She takes her elegant finger and makes a fold, folding the letter in threes. She stamps it with hot wax to seal it and then she lines her lips with lipstick to kiss the letter's corner. I want to touch her, but I know I can't. Her eyes look up and she draws in a long breath from the cigarette she is holding. Her eyes are lined with tears and she makes smoke rings before putting out the cigarette. She leans over and tightly grasps a pair of black driving gloves and a vial. She puts the gloves on and reaches inside to take the contents of the vial out. Her fingers, now covered in black lace are trembling like a midnight storm. A single tear falls from her rosy cheeks; it leaves a wet trail that sparkles in the light coming from the single window. I reach out and place a hand over hers, but she does not feel it, I only feel the warmth coming from her and the despair. A man once told me there were certain types of sadness. Sadness is there to remind us of the good, whereas despair covers us in thick black ink. Despair takes over everything, including our hope and our life. Inside her thumb and index finger is a pill; A single white capsule. She holds it up and the gold and silver flakes sparkle wildly. She takes it between her perfectly strait teeth and swallows it. She closes her eyes and glances at the picture on the desk next to her. She lays her arms down on the arms of the chair and then as though someone had shocked her body violently flinches. Her fingers clench the chair and her head shakes painfully. I start screaming as I realize what she had done and before long, she stopped moving. I touched her face, her hands, her neck, her hair, but there was no emotion, no warmth. Miss. Marrion T. was dead.


	3. The Ten Months

**_The First Year Together, 1920_**

Some wonder if it's possible to die twice. Once in life and once in death, well it is very much true and possible. In my case I would consider myself dead three times over. When Donna did the impossible and made my cut off hand into an actual Timelord or Time human I was faced with several difficult choices. Rose Tyler, a former companion of mine had to return to the Parallel world and that resulted with me going with her. There could not be two Doctors inside the Tardis, it would make a paradox and cause catastrophic damage to the universe. I would get old as for I couldn't regenerate and I only had one heart and I chose to spend the rest of my life with Rose. The Doctor left us at Bad Wolf Bay and closed the Parallel world, leaving Rose and I behind. It was sometime after that, somewhat five months or so Rose had earned enough to get her own apartment.

I had changed my name to John Smith, a name I had picked up back in the seventh regeneration. I was employed, well liked and lived comfortably with my new lifestyle. I told everyone who asked that I was a former Doctor in Africa although I truly had a degree in cheese making. Now and again I would find myself doodling the Tardis and her adventures when I had time to spare. It was quite common for me to do this when I was waiting for Rose at the diner in Cardiff. We shared lunch with each other when it was possible at the diner, it was that or coffee, but when she had gotten her apartment it made meetings a lot easier.

For our sixth month living together I had gotten Rose a kitten. She called it Astrid, but I named it K9 because it was grey, she didn't much appreciate that. Also on our sixth months I started to become more and more interested in marriage. Though I worked in a cubical most of my day I also enjoyed taking lunch strolls and walking through jewelry shops, looking at rings.

Seven months in I decided to talk with Rose's father. He agreed to the engagement plan, but under the condition that I would never leave her side as long as I lived. If I did I had to understand he would find me and murder me in my sleep. I was quite happy after that and for the first three weeks I took forty- five pounds out of my paycheck without telling Rose. I felt guilty at first for keeping this money hidden, but I knew it would be made up soon.

Eight months came and went quickly. I could bear to wait any longer, but I had to be patient. I continued to drown her in little gifts such as clothing and little animated figurines. She hadn't noticed the money that was missing yet and I was grateful for that. I cancelled our lunch date to go buy her the ring I had chosen. I strolled through the park when I noticed a man. This man was always here and had always taken particular interest to me, but I never really notice until now. A slight tingle hit the back of my neck and the hair rose in fear. He was a dangerous man. He wore a dark suite and fedora, just like me. This was, after all the 1920s, but there was something about this man that told me to stay far, far away. I continued to walk, my duster hitting the back of my shoes as I hurried alone, but I noticed the man's eyes watching me closely. Had he know I was part Timelord? Had I done something to attract a gangster's attention, surly not? Was he going to rob me of my possessions or possibly kill me? Whatever the case was I didn't want to find out.

Nine months in and I had the ring. A beautiful white diamond ring that had diamonds laced in gold and silver. The band was beautiful and I took it out every day to look at it. One day while I was looking at it a mate of mine stopped by and noticed.

"Beautiful ring!" He shouted it out. Snapping it shut as a result of being surprised I looked up to see if anyone had noticed, but no one did.

"Thank you, I got it last week. Took me five weeks to get the money, but I did it." I said quietly. He held out his hand and hesitantly I handed it to him. "Please be careful."

"She must be really special, mate. What's her name?" He had never talked about his private life while at work.

"Rose. Rose Tyler. I've been with her for almost two years now." He looked up and handed the ring back to me with awe.

"She's a lucky girl. I can already tell she's going to be very happy." He slapped my shoulder and walked away. The man with curly black hair strolled away happily.

Nine months seemed like a long time to me, being human after all. I sat with Rose at the diner and sipped at my tea quietly while she nibbled on a chip. We spoke about work, home, her brother, and about a possible date in the near future. She complained it wouldn't be wise because we didn't have as much money as we did a while back. She glanced up at me, I couldn't tell if her look was suspicion or not, but my ears grew hot with guilt. We decided to go for dinner and a dance afterwards.

Our date took place at quite a posh place. She was dressed in red, he full lips sparkled and her hair was nicely pined up.

"This is so, lovely. What has made you the most romantic bloke on the block?" She giggled and sipped her ruby wine.

"Only the woman who is sitting in front of me." Her face grew hot and she looked down. "Care for a dance, M'Lady?" She laughed and took my hand. I swung her around and casually felt my pocket to feel if the ring had stayed put. I looked at her fingers, a little ring was in the way of my rind and in a casual attempt to take the ring off I swung her around and stole it off of her.

"What are you doing? You're going to make me dizzy." I stopped and caught her on the hips, bending her backwards. I swung her up again and got on one knee. Her face went from pleased to concern.

"Don't worry; I know what I'm doing." I took her hand and I look at her, bringing out the ring. Her face started to drip as tears rolled off her face, tears of pure joy. I could hear her heart racing. "Rose Tyler? Will you marry me?" She nodded and kissed me, taking the ring and putting it on her finger.


	4. Planning the Wedding

**_Planning the Wedding, 1921/ 1922_**

After our engagement just last year in December we decided to have out wedding in February of 1923. Rose was busy with telling all her friends I was busy paying bills, loving my fiancé, and planning colour schemes. As usual we were at the diner sipping coffee when we both got off work early.

"I was thinking a blue scheme." I said, I meant a Tardis blue because I missed my blue box, but I wasn't going to say anything. I was hoping she would pick up and follow along.

"I think a Tardis blue and gold would be brilliant." She giggled and smiled brightly. Oh, how I loved her smile. Her teeth were always strait and perfectly hidden behind her lusciously full lips.

"I was hoping you'd say it instead of me. I was also thinking of snacks too." He smiled and reached for her hand. She was so happy recently and if just filled my heart.

"I was thinking of that too, dips and veggies and fruits." Before she could finish I had squeezed her hand lightly.

"No pears though. Even if I'm not the actual Doctor I can't eat pears." I said sternly, but lightly.

"Of course, sweetie; I know that I was just going to say we should have a banana at the party." She hid her face into the coffee cup and tried so desperately hard to hide her series of giggles. I had recalled the time when we went to France to face the Droids. The hints of alcohol and a Banana Martini struck me. And then the name Arthur came into mind, he was a horse that I wanted to keep.

"Oh aren't you funny?" I taunted. "Yeah and I'll get a horse named Arthur for you too." I laughed as she laughed so hard people started to stare. I looked around and the looked at her again. Her hair has falling in front of her face. Her perfect face was starting to hold the laugh lines around her eyes even if when she wasn't smiling or laughing. The signs of old age started to get to her as well as me, but I was not uncomfortable by the thought. She stood up and the purple dress hit her black boots with a small _floosh_. She grabbed her shawl and threw it over her shoulders before taking her arm in mine.

It was cold this December. Colder than usual I thought as I drew my duster closer to my torso and drew my hat over my face. I was walking in the park, alone and at night. The days were shorter and it made me all the more worried. The man in a dark suit had not appeared to me again and I was thankful for that. Rose's brother, Tony was growing strong and well. He was like a child to me. The brief image of Rose's stomach being swollen with a child flashed in my mind. My heart warmed quickly, I would love to have a child when we were older. As I walked a shadow was noticed out of the corner of my eye. My shoes continued to walk and click along the brick pathway. The shadow came to me again and I finally stopped. I dropped the cloth of my coat and looked around. There was no one in the park with me; doing a full three sixty I still did not see anyone. I thought about the movies I had seen. Commonly the main character would call out a hello or some other panicked threat. I was seemly frightened, but I did not understand why. It was only when I turned to continue my journey that I jumped with fright. A dark figure stood in front of me. It was a man and by the looks of it he was the same man I saw last year and he wasn't wearing a coat. This struck me as odd; it was too cold to be outside without a coat. His white teeth flashed at me in a smile, but he did not smile. I couldn't see any details because he was backlighted from the gas lamp. He walked towards me and I stepped out of his way, the smile never fading from his face. I turned to confront him and when I did, he was gone. Only a newspaper lay in front of me. Once I got home, I was on end, but that quickly settled when I saw Rose fast asleep on the couch.

I woke up some three months later in my bed. Rose's body curled in a tight ball. The sheets thrown off and a ringing headache hit me. I got up, stumbling to get through the mess of sheets. I found a blanket and put it over Rose, then moved the blonde hair out of her face. She was even more beautiful when she was sleep so I stood and stared at her a couple minutes. I moved to the kitchen and started coffee, it was a Sunday and I was expected to go see Jackie. Jackie was Rose's mother, she loved to nag me; I remembered warmly how many jokes I had cracked about her in my ninth regeneration. After making coffee I sat in on the couch and read the paper. Soft padding came behind me and I was blinded by a handkerchief. First, I was startled, but then I laughed.

"Yeah you're very cute; good morning to you too." I put down my coffee, but she didn't respond. I started to get worried, but then she giggled and dropped the blindfold. Bright light spots danced on my eyes and I rubbed them.

"Are you feeling okay?" She asked, she padded around quietly in a soft nighty. She stifled a yawn.

"You mean besides the horrible headache?" I ask her.

"Yeah, do you remember what happened?" I shake my head, but soon regret it.

"I think we went drinking with some of your mates." I suggested. She only nodded and sat by me, leaning her head on my chest. I smelled her hair, the sweetness towering over me.

The wedding was coming alone and it was August. Rose had her wedding dress and I had my tux. We lightly discussed moving the wedding back to October or even sooner, but then we pushed the idea out of our minds. We both wanted February to be our wedding month; we were both quite fond of the month. We started saving money, tighter and tighter until we became cautious on what to buy at the super market. One of Rose's father's friends was helping us with the invitations. We had hired a decorator to help us decorate the nearest church. We didn't want a honeymoon because it would cost too much; sometime later probably when we had enough to spare a couple leisurely weeks. I found Rose bent over in the living room and I raised an eyebrow when she rose. She simply explained her stomach hurt and therefore she was stretching it out. I nodded and kissed her then went back out. Later that day at work my work mates congratulated me. I guess the curly haired man told someone and the word was out. I was happy, very happy. I had everything I ever wanted. Ever since the Time War I wasn't the same. I was sad and lonely. I want someone to be with me, to share stories with and to have adventures with. Even if I was human and was living in a human world, I finally felt like I had that. I had the girl of my dreams.

Skipping ahead into December I remember the day Rose looked up at me. She had soft brown eyes. She didn't have any makeup on and her eyes were clearer than normal. It was as though everything was clear to her now, like a regeneration. I asked her if she was okay and she said she was fine. We discussed next year and the wedding. It had been a continuous topic for both of us and neither of us tired of the topic. I was quick to mention how beautiful she was that night. She pushed me away playfully and said I was only sucking up to her. I laughed and disagreed. We fell asleep on the couch that night.


	5. The Wedding

In the Groom's Room I was shaking and sweating. It was quite clear to me and the other men in the room; I was nervous. They tied a red rose to my breast pocket.

"Maybe you could tango out with the rose in your teeth. Shake off the jitters." One man teased.

"Bollocks." I'll be fine, that's what I kept telling myself; for the fifth time I stood at the mirror and fixed my hair and tuxedo. I was sure my human heart couldn't take this type of stress, feeling my pulse it was higher than it had ever been. Silently I cursed myself for being this nervous. If I loved Rose then I shouldn't be nervous, right? Apparently I was wrong because nothing was calming me down.

"You'll be just fine mate; there is nothing to worry about." I smiled and headed out to stand at my position. The priest gave me a wink, he looked oddly like Jack Harkness, but I pushed it aside. Jackie gave me an enthusiastic thumb up and Tony gurgled quietly. He was dressed in a little cheap tux. He looked cute.

The organ started and I thought I was going to throw up. My stomach tightened and I looked down the line. A little girl danced in front of my Rose, throwing petals as she walked. Two more held Rose's dress as it trailed down the walkway. My heart fluttered as she held the bouquet of roses closely to her chest.

Her dress was dark blue; a Tardis blue. It was cut deeply in the front and showed a lot of her chest, it curved smoothly and covered her shoulders. The closer she got I could make out a little patter that covered the dress. It was a sleeveless dress; the straps were barely an inch thick. The hem hit the floor and as her toes kicked out I could see she was wearing gold high heels. These heels were strapped around her ankle and her toes were painted gold as well. She looked like the Tardis. It made my heart ached a little, but then rise up as she stepped up the steps to face me. It was clearer now; the veil she was wearing was gold. I smiled at her lightly and she gave me the same look. We were both feeling the same emotions. The preacher started his sermon and asked Rose if she would uphold her rightly duties.

"I do." She responded and she blushed deeply.

Suddenly a late guest arrived, but this guest wasn't one on the list. He was the man from the part. His fedora hid his face, but his white teeth shown like gold in an afternoon light. I started to panic again, but I shoved it aside when the preached asked me if I was able to husbandly duties.

"I-" I started, but the man interrupted me.

"-Don't think so." He said quietly, he reached a hand inside his pocket. Everyone turned to look at this man and Rose's face filled with shock. It was as though time had slowed down. The blood rushed to my heart and ears and I soon understood what the man was doing. The toothpick hanging out of his mouth had fallen to the floor and the priest had ducked underneath the pedestal. Rose didn't know what to do either and she stood there, but dropped her roses I glanced at her then turned towards the man to address him. The man pulled a revolver out of his inside breast pocket and aimed it at me. Before I had time to react the trigger was pulled.

My entire body flinched as the bullet struck me just a little was above my heart. It was an inch below my collar bone, immediately I knew it was fatal. The silent gasp came from Rose's lips and she threw her veil back. Why hadn't she done that before? I fell to the ground and I felt my chest grow hot and wet with blood. The blood in my neck throbbed and I looked at Rose. She started to cry and waved her hands, not knowing what to do. I grabbed her dress and pulled her down.

"Bad Wolf Bay; during those last two minutes the last thing I said was your name. I was going to say I love you afterwards, but I ran out of time. So this is my last words. Rose Smith, I love you." I let go and rolled again onto my back and gasped. Blood had reached my back now, I knew I didn't have long to live at that point. I closed my eyes and saw black, but didn't feel anything. I didn't feel any at during the time I was dying. All I knew and all I thought while I was dying was I need to stay to protect Rose. It was all about Rose. I had to stay with her no matter what happened.

I was next to Rose, holding her as she sobbed endlessly. I felt what she felt, pain, confusion, guilt, anger. I didn't understand, she didn't notice me at all, I called her name once then I realized. Her dress was soaked in my blood and she was huddled over my body. What a horrible way to end a wedding. I lay there on my back, I was dead and now I'm here as a ghost. Peter ran over, it seemed like an hour had gone by before he finally decided to come over. Someone, a guest I didn't recognize pulled Rose away. She screamed and shouted and put up a fight. I followed her, but I didn't dare touch her. It had broken my heart to feel her sadness and I didn't want to feel it again. I stayed by as the same guest put her on a chair. She fell off the chair and onto her knees. She was screaming at no one, but her words were distinct and I can still hear them.

"You bastard! You son of a bitch! How could you take him like that?! He was mine! This was my day! You can't-" She trailed off in blubber of tears, not being able to finish her sentence at all. I looked around, but my murderer was gone. After that all I remember is my body being taken away and Rose sitting on our couch, sadly staring at nothing.


	6. The Three Months After

**_The Next Three Months, 1923_**

The rest of February turned out to be Hell. February was pure, hot, simple, flaming Hell. It took about a week for me to come to my senses and accept the horrible fact that I was now a ghost and I couldn't interact with anything or anyone. I could only feel. Feel heat, warmth, emotions from far away and from close up. I learned quickly to not touch people if I could help myself. Even if I wanted to hold Rose or her baby brother, I simply couldn't because I would feel everything ten-fold. I could feel all their emotions, their warmth and grief as if I was living in two bodies, but if I stayed far away I would only feel the emotion like a dull lapping of water. At first I tried screaming, dancing, physically hitting objects, and I even tried to stand inside a person as if to possess them, but nothing worked. I was defeated, I knew I was, but I was not ready to accept that fact. I want Rose back, even if she was here, she also wasn't. We both had different views on my death. Hers was this; she was a widow and she had been wronged. Mine was; Rose was my wife and I should be with her.

For the first week she remained in bed, huddled under the covers as if she was ill. She didn't cry and I found this to be odd, surly she would cry right? I touched her, the emotions shocked over me, but I refused to let go until I understood better. She had felt betrayed, ripped of the one thing she had loved more than her own life. The wedding flooded into her mind, over and over again. Gruesome images kept hitting her, harder and harder. Some was with more blood, some was with more screaming, some was of her killing herself. I sat on the bed with her and cried until my ghostly tears wouldn't flow anymore. I was thankful she actually slept, but her sleeping pattern grew shorter with each night. Again I tried to understand and so one night I stayed awake while she slept. I slipped into her dreams. She dreamed of the wedding. Everything was red, her dress, my tux and hair, the chairs and church walls. Everyone was dressed in red and then I realized it was blood, but the floor was littered with white roses. She screamed violently when I was shot by the mysterious man and then Rose awoke. Her family started to notice the dark circles under her eyes, but her baggy clothes hid her thinness. They comforted her and she pushed them away. She stopped going to work and soon she was too weak to even get out of bed. She was sent to the doctor and when she came home, she had depression pills grasped in her white, boney, hands.

It was the first week of March. With February behind us I thought maybe time would finally start to heal this open wound, but I slowly started to understand that this wound was infected. Rose took her medicine each morning and each night, but she still didn't dare to sleep. She was eating again and finally the emotion from the family turned to a light hearted relief. Jackie and Peter watcher her carefully, I listened into their conversation one night. They were discussing my funeral and I could tell it was not going to be a normal funeral. It took them three days to sort everything out, after the church had given Rose a refund on the church as a courtesy she was just a couple thousand pounds richer. Jackie and Peter talked with her gently about using that money for my funeral; after all they wanted me to die peacefully. Her only response was this;

"There shouldn't be a funeral for anyone. I should have blocked that shot. It would have hit me in the shoulder and I would have been fine."

My dead heart ceased to pound for a couple minutes as well as her parents'. Rose truly believed what she just said. I saw her mind replay the ugly fantasy and realized her calculations were right. Her shoulder was just a little above from where the bullet hit me. If she did take the shot then the bullet would have shattered her shoulder, leaving her in a cast, but I knew that it would be sheer luck if she didn't die of blood loss first. She realized this too and then another thought crossed her mind;

"_I should be the one dead. It is my entire fault, if I wasn't such a selfish child then none one would be hurt. The Doctor would have just left me at Bad Wolf Bay, where I belonged. I should never have walked across into my real world again when the Daleks were invading. I should have died, done something then gasp like a stupid child when he was shot. I should have put myself in harm's way, just like he had done for me numerous times." _

Her words stabbed my stomach and I dropped to my ghostly knees in pain. She shouldn't be feeling like this. She shouldn't be blaming herself, mistakes happen! Life happens for God's sake! It was all a mistake and then I suddenly heard her heart leap sadly. She looked away from her wall and looked around. It was as though she heard me. I started to panic and then happiness filled me. I started to shout in my mind, concentrating hard on her hearing it. I told her I loved her and I told her it wasn't her fault. Her face was confused and she started to sniff. Her sniffling started to become loud, heart aching sobs. They were so loud I had to leave because it hurt too much.

In the middle of March we had my funeral. It was lovely, really. The Tyler's had put a lot of money into it. My coffin was open and inside a church, not the same church where our wedding was, but a different one in the opposite direction. My face was pale and my lips light blue. I touched myself, but felt nothing; it was like my fingers had gone numb. My coffin was a deep blue, just like the Tardis and I was dressed in a brown, pin stripe suit with a white rose tucked in the top pocket. Rose stared blankly ahead, too shocked to really understand where she was or what was happening. She had taken her medicine, but it hadn't taken any affect. I felt sad for her; it was a never ending sadness.

It was at the beginning of April that I finally understood she could hear me. I was ecstatic with glee. If I focused on her hearing me I could communicate with her, but she never spoke back. I didn't understand why, but I soon learned. Her brother didn't understand why Rose was so upset, but when Jackie told him to not bother her, he did as he was told. My death had caused the entire family to shake violently and they were finally starting to fall apart. Peter and Jackie were fine, but it was Rose alone. She couldn't handle my death, she made up her mind about something, but I had no idea what it was and this is where my story leads me into the present.

April 29th, 1923, Rose finally went to work late that evening. She worked as a private detective. She never shared any of her cases with me or with her family, but she loved her job. Her job had paid her well and she had a lot of clients over the years. She worked privately in an abandoned building. I asked her how she could stay inside there; after all, it was haunted. She laughed at me and said it was simple. Of course, this was all before my death, but now it seemed she had taken a very high interest in her job.


	7. April 29th, 1923

**_April 29_****_th_****_, 1923_**

It was April; most of the mayhem had died down by now in the Tyler family. Everyone was still upset, but it was like a lake after a storm; wet, cold, but peaceful in a sad way. Rose's mind was clouded and I couldn't get through to her, this upset me greatly. I wanted to comfort her and let her know it would be alright. She started to seem happier as the month progressed, but she wasn't to her normal self quite yet. There was something she was going to do, but I couldn't grasp what it was. She kept It hidden, she never wrote about it, thought about it, dreamed about it, it was as though her plans never existed in the first place. She started to take long walks around the park and frequently she would leave her apartment late at night to walk on the town's sidewalks. She was eating again and she slept too. Little by little I started to feel more confident that my wife was going to be okay.

In mid-April she started to sell some of the furniture, old clothing and other items that were not necessary any longer. I was sad she was doing this, but I also knew it was the right thing, she hadn't cried since my death. Just once, when I first talked to her, but since then there had been no tears from those beautiful brown eyes. Rose started to wear makeup again and one day when she was packing up my suits I crouched in front of her.

"Rose, please listen to me." I willed for her to listen. She hesitated slightly, almost unnoticeable when she put the next suit in. I wasn't sure if this was just grief or if she had heard me and so I touched her. Her emotion was startled and calm, this was unusual. "I can feel your emotions, honey. I know you heard me." I willed again.

She got up and started screaming; "Get out of my head! I'm not crazy; you're dead John! I've seen the impossible, but I can't and won't believe that you're still here!" She tore into the kitchen and fell in a heap. I regretted even trying to talk with her. She eventually got herself up and made a cuppa, in my cup. "Now, since I'm hearing things and you think you're so smart and if you are John, then drink the tea." She said this with a cool, icy tone. I was shocked that she was testing me, I looked at the cup and did everything in my might to drink, but it didn't happen.

"I can't drink the tea; I'm not capable of physically doing anything." I told her quietly. She looked up, right at me. She glared and took the cup away. I tried to read her again, but her emotion was gone like the wind.

She had sold most of the items in the apartment, but she didn't tell her mum or dad. I stopped trying to reach out to her because every time I did, she would get angry. She went to work one day and I followed her. She took her black handbag, her duster, and my fedora. I was surprised to actually see her wearing it, but what I found to be quite interesting was she curled her hair before she left. She curled it tightly into ringlets. She looked adorable; I would have teased her if she was alive.

She got out of the car about a block from her work and walked. The ground was dirty, the streets bare. It was starting to get dark, but she didn't turn around. I forced my way into her head and asked her what she thought she was doing, but she didn't answer me. Her shoes cracked over the gravel, her head down she slipped her hand into her bag to collect the key ring. She unlocked the barb wired fence and pushed through. She turned slightly to look behind in case anyone was following her. Her face was strange, red, and ridden with black tears, she was finally crying and for a moment I felt a stab of joy. She walked up the hold broken cement path. The rocks that lined the path had been kicked out of place or thrown aside from teenagers or gang members. The sign in front of the old building stood strong as ever and so did the bars on the windows. The upper left window on the top floor was shattered and the screen had been dented outwards towards the outside world. It looked as though there was a fight and someone had been thrown to the window. Shaking away the dreaded feeling I proceeded on with Rose. She opened both double doors that were at the entrance, they creaked loudly and grimly. She flicked on a light inside a screen wrapped desk; probably the secretary's desk. Three laps at the end flickered on and dim yellow light filled the space. She walked to the end of the hall and unlocked her office to the right. Stepping in she shut the door quietly, like a mother would when she was leaving her child's bedroom. The yellow windows illuminated when she turned on her desk lamp. She sat down and pulled out a sheet of paper and a fountain pen. She started to scribble;

_"Rose Marion Tyler Smith. April 29__th__, 1923._

_I fear nothing can be done for me now. The dreams keep coming back, replays of my wedding and they keep getting worse. I haven't slept properly in approximately a week because of these dreams. I dream John is there, in his tuxedo, but suddenly everything changes, the colours, the feeling. Everything in my dream turns red and the sky rains white roses. I wake up in a cold sweat each night and scream. The feeling of a cold bed chills my bones and shatters my heart. I cannot take the pressure any longer, I'm sorry._

_ John's voice lingers in my ears day and night. His travels he took with me linger in my memory and I hear him walking through the apartment at atrocious times in the morning. The day I was packing to sell his suits he whispered to me; "Rose, please listen to me. I can feel your emotions. I know you heard me." That is what he said, I panicked, I didn't want to feel that way. I knew my mind was only willing him to be there, after all that had happened it isn't uncommon to start seeing and hearing things. I made a cup of tea to test this voice, to see if it was my own or if it was John's. The voice came back when I set it down, telling it to come and drink; "I'm not able to do anything physical." That is what it said and I started to shout. I put up a good fight, my mother would have been proud of me under different circumstances. Maybe it was John, but the evidence proves strongly it was my imagination. I packed little items up and sold them so there is no need to stress over my things when I'm gone. I kept all the photos of John and I, I honestly expect to be buried with him and our photos thrown into my grave._

_ I wouldn't be doing this for any other man, please understand that. I loved John, he filled in the place of a father for me, and he did everything for me. I was able to find who I was and what I wanted with the Doctor. I feel so guilty for not doing anything at the wedding. I should have moved, pushed him, I should have done something. I don't know if the police will ever find John's murderer, but I hope they do. When they do of if they do I want that man to know he killed three lives, not just one, but three._

_ A month after our wedding failed to have a menstrual cycle. I figured it was because I wasn't eating or sleeping, but then I decided better. I took a night off and went to the doctors. He tested me and when I returned home I was in shock; cold, shocked and afraid. I was and am bearing John's child. I cannot carry the child any longer, it reminds me daily of the Doctor and I cannot handle that._

_ I'm sorry, please forgive me._

_ Rose Marion Tyler Smith_

She scribbled fast and hard. The tears streamed down her face, they increased their speed as the letter got longer. I wanted to read it, but something held me back. I sat there patiently waiting for her to finish and leave. Her name tag; Miss. Marion T., gleamed in the light. It was shiny and new, but cheap. She couldn't have spent much on that, it was just a cute nick-knack that fit on her desk. I took notice of her when she stopped and put the pen away, she cried hard this time and then she pulled on a pair of black gloves from her drawer. They were silky and very fancy; something a common woman would wear while driving. She took a pill, at first I was confused, but when she started to flinch and twitch uncontrollably I panicked. I leaned over and tried to grab her, my ghost like hands ran through her and the feeling of calm over whelmed me. I sat down and cried. She had committed suicide and in front of her was her note. I read it over and started to choke when I read the last paragraph. Rose was pregnant and she just killed herself and our child. I cried so hard it burned my lungs, but then someone touched my shoulder. I spooked, it was the first time I had been touched by someone.

"I wouldn't leave you here to cry by yourself." Rose looked down at me; her face was pale, but beautiful.

"You're dead, you killed yourself!" I shouted, I was in disbelief that she did that.

Sighing heavily she nodded. "That I did, but now I'm here and now we are finally together again.


	8. Thank You

I want to thank everyone who actually finished reading this story of mine. I tried my best on it, but if it was a bit slow or boring, my apologies. Thank you for those who encouraged me and wrote reviews.

Thank you everyone! Please let me know how I did,

Badwolf999


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